Back in the Smoky Mountains and other things

 We need to go back for a visit to list our home with a new broker as its on the market now for a year.

The market is slow and our realtor was not very good

DH and I in some ways still think of the smoky mountains as home. It’s the longest time – a decade – that either of us has ever spend in a place

The Smoky Mountains dressed up in all their autumn finery and dear reader as I write these words, I ache for my cabin in the woods.

Listing our house with a new broker

R refuses to go inside.

 Later as he looks at the picture of what used to be our bedroom – he says “no furniture” “the house is empty” and that these pictures make him sad.

Meeting old friends

One of the best parts of Knoxville was meeting our old friends. I tell them that one day I will definitely come back and work again in my beloved past company Bush’s Beans.

Another joy was meeting R’s Therapists.

 These women have known R since he was 2 years old and now he has turned 9.

OMG he is so happy to see them and they are so happy to see him.

He is always weird and distant and hides behind DH and me for the first 10- 15 minutes but then he is all kisses and hugs.

They started out as therapists but now they feel like family.

Magical Miss Gypsi takes R out for his first haircut in a salon ever.

 Miss Sadie and Kristen take him out at the ubiquitous McDonalds.

They have R’s heart and he has theirs and it just feels so warm and comfortable being back with these women that love him

 The Cabin

Finally I come to the cabin.

I simply cannot tell you how magical it is to spend the weekend there.

Its currently on a rental program and so its perfectly clean and well stocked. 

On the first day I wake  up today so sleepy as I had not slept well the whole of the week before this 

While the room is full of  sunlight spilling everywhere, I  would not have woken up either unless R  had not come to snuggle which now that he is 65 pounds is quite violent.

I wake up in the room of happiness - which is what I call the room at the top of this cabin.

This is the smallest bedroom in this house and did not have a shower( just a bath tub) so the realtor called it the "spare room". 

But as soon as I saw it with its giant windows and slanting multiple rooves - I knew that we would never sleep anywhere else . 

DH eventually installed a shower in this bathroom and we moved in there permanently.

We take endless walks in the woods. 

The woods are full of this special amber light.

This is the special quality that the light has here at this time of the year since the sunlight is filtered through the orange and yellow leaves.

I was so much at peace here once and my heart aches for that old lost familiar feeling.

Is happiness a place? 

Despite the golden light and know its more than the place. 

For soon these leaves will fall and then the forest will be barren and waiting for Spring.

But I would always find new iconic moments.

While things are getting better and better still have not come to that happy joyful place of peace.

We do all the things in Knoxville  that we have missed - I get my hair cut from the charming Venezuelan lady who dismisses all my sentimentality and says I am "lucky to get out from this sleepy place"

She cuts my hair like only she can( with a razor not a scissor) !!

We have tea with our neighbours.

 Lucy is a very charming person and when you sit drinking tea with her you find yourself slowing down 

Lucy's daughter has just got married very happily and they are super happy.Their step grand son has aspergers and they feel really equipped to understand him because of R

We also hang our with our other neighbors who urge us to return to Knoxville.

R cries the last night - when we go to eat at an Italian place we love - and says that he is really really sad ( oh how I love that he types up his feelings for us now )

Though like all small children, he is swiftly distracted by some pizza dough that the server gives us for him to knead into a pizza ( she is coincidentally training to be an OT)

Its these casual kindnesses of Southerners that makes me love them.

For it seems that everywhere we go there is that peculiar acceptance of Autism that is relaxed and casual.

Readers- its with such a pang that we leave.

Though at the airport I meet a person who tells me that it takes 3 years to start thinking of a new place as home !

Where is home?

As the plane lands in Seattle-Tacoma airport -it also quixotically feels like coming home.

As we enter the house - messy  -as we had left in a hurry ( as per usual) - I feel a sense of setting down

R's birthday 

The next weekend is R's birthday - Can you believe he is 9 years old

When did this tiny little baby get to be 9 ?

As per usual his list for his birthday is simple. he wants

• Double tree by Hilton
• Hugs 
• Bed time with Mama 

Wee  have booked a night in Olympia so we will also get to see Rachel and Mr daddy - who have promised to drive down

We plan to meet in Vic's Pizzeria-

A friend who lived in Seattle told me about the "best pizza" you will every eat.

You guys - its a regular place in a strip mall.

But I have never eated pizza like this - Just Stunning

As always meeting Rach and Mr Daddy and Itty is amazing. We cannot stop talking and we make them promise to come spend the day with us

When I see children like Itty - who are so nice and accepting of R  - it really feels good

9 years old 

DH put the hammer down today and made sure we sort through a bunch of "crap that you and your son have choked up the box room with"

As I start putting R's little baby clothes today - all the things that I have stored up - even his hospital tag - I just cry buckets

The day I put that hospital tag on my hand - I had no idea how difficult and lovely  life would be.

All the hardness and difficulty I thought at that time was about sleepless nights and diapers and all the things all moms in hospital think about

I never thought about things like Autism and Crohns

But you guys I also had no idea how awesome it would be to be R's mom.

That is the funny thing about life.

You think about all the things you want and then you look back at yourself and think that you did not know what the heck you were talking about

I am so sorry that I have not been around your blogs at all these past few weeks. As you can see its been a whirlwind.

Thanks for stopping by and I promise to come see you soon too .