Sleep and Autism

Before R was born,  I meticulously read up on all the latest parenting books

Especially the ones on sleep

For it seemed - sleep problems- is all that the new parents I knew, talked about

I read about sleep scheduling, about the importance to get your baby started on a proper routine

I read about "crying it out"

And how it was really good and kind in the long run to let them cry it out

That by leaving them to sleep by themselves, you are teaching them to be independant

This had made complete sense to be in the months when I was expecting R

But after R was born, I felt different

This little baby had been living inside of my body-  till just a few days ago - completely dependant on me -

While independance was important , it felt more important to make him feel secure

( Now, I reasoned, how would it make sense for a helpless infant when it made no sense for me, an adult -  After all how would I - an adult -  feel , if DH would leave me by myself to "sort my feelings out"/" teach me independance" when I was sad/crying )

And though we tried,  R  simply was not able to sleep by himself


(  I dont mean to criticize  the scheduling method - I know it works for many people. It was just not for us and I would realise this much much later  when I was to understand SPD and learn about the proprioceptive system and gravitational insecurity. Much later, I  would realise that R simply could not realise where he was in space, unless his body was touching another)

It seemed that the only way R would fall asleep or stay asleep was in one of our arms
 
So we decided to co sleep for just the first few days

 And the days turned into weeks

 And the weeks turned into months

 Our crib - an expensive gift from a friend - was never used .


And R slept in one of our arms each night

Slowly, in fact , we found ourselves to be full fledged attachment parents

I did not know it then , but it would eventually be 5 more years before R would sleep in a big boy bed by himself

Sleep has never come easy for R

For a good night's sleep , we have to do it all

The behavioral methods- consistent routines

The biological methods- soothing bathtime, dim lights, melatonin

The emotional methods - reading a story of his choice, saying bedtime prayers, snuggles and telling him each night how much I love being his mother

But he does sleep each night

And mostly he sleeps all night

I finish his bedtime a little while ago

We say our prayers of gratefulness

We say goodnight to the fifteen books that are on his shelf

We finish reading "Wild Cats" - R's favorite  bed time book for the past two months

I end the book with the line "The big eared cub sleeps safe and sound as it rests besides his mother"

R sighs with staisfaction.

Its his favorite line

I look at my own little eared cub with his arms around his neck and think about this other mother - the African lioness

How this mother in a small southern town in America ( me )  is essentially  doing the same bedtime routine as this lioness in Africa

When I look back on those early years - that time when we did not know what was autism, how greatly anxious R's basic personality was, the unusual sensory system he had and his inability to produce enough melatonin  -

Even in those years when we had such little information about our child


We still had enough wisdom-that each time we had to make a choice
We followed our instincts

We chose the ways that worked for R

This post has been written for the wonderful Danette's Best of Best Bloggers edition on Sleep