Odds and ends from the past two weeks - sort of boring
Return from Utah
I return from Utah
Park city is one of the most beautiful places I have been to
Because I grew up in the land of the Himalayas – the bar has been set unusually high
Example : here is where DH and I went once on a project on Himalayan medicinal herbs trade – its called Munsiyari ( the name means “Place of snow “)and was on the ancient salt route to Tibet
Photo from Trek Earth
It is very very remote - completely unspoiled by tourists 14 years ago when we were there –(However when I looked it up on Wikipedia today – it is described as a “favorite “ spot for hikers )
I have had a good time but 3 days away from home is 2 days too many –
I have gone on a Bloggers conference for work no less and have a chance to meet some lovely bloggers
Really liked the author of “Ordinary Courage “
This time I have made videos of me talking to R and emailing them to DH –( as my Iphone has a video camera ) –
DH reports that he watches these lackadaisically ( though when I return home, he finds them on my phone and watches them with great attention )
When I return home R is very very clingy
DH says R has been waking up at 1 every night “mewling “ for "mummy mother"and pleading to go to the airport .
As I did not write a visual schedule-( but just told him that I was going back and will be back on Sunday ) guilt washes over me in great waves
Sleeping Separately
Is going okay
R goes to sleep in his bed alright but we find him in our bed every am
This is fine – DH and I don’t make a big deal about most things – we say no to only two things – bad manners and things that harm him.
Especially we do not say No to the things that appear to us to be very fundamental to his emotional well-being!
However , the one thing I am determined about is that he go to bed in his own bed
Sleeping in general is not going the best – in spite of the Melatonin
I think R physically needs our presence to not wake up – I think its literally a fundamental sensory need and I am thinking of buying a weighted blanket to see if it will help him – none of us are sleeping very well as a result of R not sleeping very well
R is taking time to fall asleep as well – I usually hum “Jingle bells” and I know R is not sleepy when he says each “hey” on cue
Pretend play
Is simply going great –
I saw the first thing that R did which was not mechanical or a repeat of a theme
He got Tuck to take a ride on Gordon !
I am so proud!
I can see other neurons firing
I ask if he wants to go see Fireworks for America’s Happy Birthday and he quickly says “Fy- wuk ess” ( fireworks yes )
We go to watch the Fireworks and R calls them “Rudolph the red nose reindeer “. I am suddenly struck by how it does look like Santa’s chariot in the sky
I also find how he has hidden Linny and the number 4 in our AC vent – ( no wonder its so hot in our bedroom ) I show them to him thinking that maybe he forgot that they were there
But he looks startled and later I find him returning Linny to his place in the vent
I also see him comparing Tuck and Baby Tad ( which when I REALLY look at them are remarkably alike – in personality and appearance )
Truly R is an infinitely interesting child
Fine motor, Sense of Self
Monday is a holiday so I go with R to his OT session and record him .
I am struck by how well he follows directions when he is in a one on one session
I also figure out why he has picked out his Baby Newton DVD and is watching it again and again – its because he is learning the square and triangle and how to make them as this is what his OT does
In effect he is doing homework- trying to figure out this whole drawing thing
Really I have soo much respect for R.
So he learns to make circles and then makes this ( evidently a self potrait as when I ask him who is it - he replies"R")
Another thing that is developing is a sense of self
While I am changing I hear him knocking( scratching ) on the door.
When I ask him - "who is it .. is it R "
He replies "R "
This is so wonderful to hear from a child that did not know what his name was nor what a name meant just 2 years ago
And now not only does he know it , he also makes his picture, replies with his name and asks to wear the "R shirt " ( a shirt with his photo on it )
Every day feels like it comes with a gift -
Thank you god
He is learning squares and triangles so he can make this with help
Again I am reminded of how important it is to let your child learn in the way they need to learn, rather than imposing on them how they should learn .
I watch the Temple Grandin Movie ( how I love her!! – what a fab job Claire Dane has done !!!)
The Baby newton DVD is not unlike Dr Grandin’s hug machine ( which her mother does NOT want her to take to college as its “everything they have been trying to get away from “)
I am such a Flootime mum - In the scene where they show Temple’s mother showing a 3 year old Temple a flashcard while Temple looks away at the chandelier –
I want to jump up and shout – CANT YOU SEE WHAT SHE IS LOOKING AT – TEACH HER THE WORD CHANDELIER… THEN BUY A TOY CHANDELIER AND DO A PRETEND SCENE AROUND IT
I feel so grateful for Dr Greenspan, Dr Grandin and all the professionals who teach us mothers how to help our kiddos
And so very sorry for the kiddos whose parents cannot or will not help them
Weekend
The weekend is LOVELY - DH's cousin who is a Professor in Bangalore comes up for the weekend
She is very nice and we have a great time with her
We show off our beloved Southern town and we have a picnic in the river
I am very unwiling to go but DH forces us all and I am very grateful that he does as I have to shaken out of my comfort zone from time to time
DH makes a lovely BBQ - he truly is an artist when it comes to food and drink - his margaritas are poetry - His grilled chicken- a perfect orchestration of spices and smoke
The lovely long weekend comes to a close with me and R in the swimming pool - we sit on our dolphin floatie - he sits on my lap facing me nose to nose .. looking into my eyes
And I tell him how grateful I am for the love he gives me.
Life is good
Return from Utah
I return from Utah
Park city is one of the most beautiful places I have been to
Because I grew up in the land of the Himalayas – the bar has been set unusually high
Example : here is where DH and I went once on a project on Himalayan medicinal herbs trade – its called Munsiyari ( the name means “Place of snow “)and was on the ancient salt route to Tibet
Photo from Trek Earth
It is very very remote - completely unspoiled by tourists 14 years ago when we were there –(However when I looked it up on Wikipedia today – it is described as a “favorite “ spot for hikers )
I have had a good time but 3 days away from home is 2 days too many –
I have gone on a Bloggers conference for work no less and have a chance to meet some lovely bloggers
Really liked the author of “Ordinary Courage “
This time I have made videos of me talking to R and emailing them to DH –( as my Iphone has a video camera ) –
DH reports that he watches these lackadaisically ( though when I return home, he finds them on my phone and watches them with great attention )
When I return home R is very very clingy
DH says R has been waking up at 1 every night “mewling “ for "mummy mother"and pleading to go to the airport .
As I did not write a visual schedule-( but just told him that I was going back and will be back on Sunday ) guilt washes over me in great waves
Sleeping Separately
Is going okay
R goes to sleep in his bed alright but we find him in our bed every am
This is fine – DH and I don’t make a big deal about most things – we say no to only two things – bad manners and things that harm him.
Especially we do not say No to the things that appear to us to be very fundamental to his emotional well-being!
However , the one thing I am determined about is that he go to bed in his own bed
Sleeping in general is not going the best – in spite of the Melatonin
I think R physically needs our presence to not wake up – I think its literally a fundamental sensory need and I am thinking of buying a weighted blanket to see if it will help him – none of us are sleeping very well as a result of R not sleeping very well
R is taking time to fall asleep as well – I usually hum “Jingle bells” and I know R is not sleepy when he says each “hey” on cue
Pretend play
Is simply going great –
I saw the first thing that R did which was not mechanical or a repeat of a theme
He got Tuck to take a ride on Gordon !
I am so proud!
I can see other neurons firing
I ask if he wants to go see Fireworks for America’s Happy Birthday and he quickly says “Fy- wuk ess” ( fireworks yes )
We go to watch the Fireworks and R calls them “Rudolph the red nose reindeer “. I am suddenly struck by how it does look like Santa’s chariot in the sky
I also find how he has hidden Linny and the number 4 in our AC vent – ( no wonder its so hot in our bedroom ) I show them to him thinking that maybe he forgot that they were there
But he looks startled and later I find him returning Linny to his place in the vent
I also see him comparing Tuck and Baby Tad ( which when I REALLY look at them are remarkably alike – in personality and appearance )
Truly R is an infinitely interesting child
Fine motor, Sense of Self
Monday is a holiday so I go with R to his OT session and record him .
I am struck by how well he follows directions when he is in a one on one session
I also figure out why he has picked out his Baby Newton DVD and is watching it again and again – its because he is learning the square and triangle and how to make them as this is what his OT does
In effect he is doing homework- trying to figure out this whole drawing thing
Really I have soo much respect for R.
So he learns to make circles and then makes this ( evidently a self potrait as when I ask him who is it - he replies"R")
While I am changing I hear him knocking( scratching ) on the door.
When I ask him - "who is it .. is it R "
He replies "R "
This is so wonderful to hear from a child that did not know what his name was nor what a name meant just 2 years ago
And now not only does he know it , he also makes his picture, replies with his name and asks to wear the "R shirt " ( a shirt with his photo on it )
Every day feels like it comes with a gift -
Thank you god
He is learning squares and triangles so he can make this with help
Again I am reminded of how important it is to let your child learn in the way they need to learn, rather than imposing on them how they should learn .
I watch the Temple Grandin Movie ( how I love her!! – what a fab job Claire Dane has done !!!)
The Baby newton DVD is not unlike Dr Grandin’s hug machine ( which her mother does NOT want her to take to college as its “everything they have been trying to get away from “)
I am such a Flootime mum - In the scene where they show Temple’s mother showing a 3 year old Temple a flashcard while Temple looks away at the chandelier –
I want to jump up and shout – CANT YOU SEE WHAT SHE IS LOOKING AT – TEACH HER THE WORD CHANDELIER… THEN BUY A TOY CHANDELIER AND DO A PRETEND SCENE AROUND IT
I feel so grateful for Dr Greenspan, Dr Grandin and all the professionals who teach us mothers how to help our kiddos
And so very sorry for the kiddos whose parents cannot or will not help them
Weekend
The weekend is LOVELY - DH's cousin who is a Professor in Bangalore comes up for the weekend
She is very nice and we have a great time with her
We show off our beloved Southern town and we have a picnic in the river
I am very unwiling to go but DH forces us all and I am very grateful that he does as I have to shaken out of my comfort zone from time to time
The lovely long weekend comes to a close with me and R in the swimming pool - we sit on our dolphin floatie - he sits on my lap facing me nose to nose .. looking into my eyes
And I tell him how grateful I am for the love he gives me.
Life is good
16 comments:
I think your son is finding it hard to sleep alone because you have let him sleep with you all these years. You have trained him to associate sleep with sleeping with you. This is why a child should not be sleeping in the parental bed unless they are nursing as an infant. It will be quite hard to break this habit for him especially because of his Autism which makes him cling to routine.
K-
I am right there with you on the sleep thing. Don't sweat it as he will get there in his own time. You have taken the first big steps with his own "big boy bed" that he has accepted on some level. One day you will be surprised and he will have slept the whole night in his bed as if it was nothing special. It will be just another one of those bittersweet first/lasts to smile about.
-B
P.S. Adored the drawings -- especially the self portrait. I have boxes and boxes of these from my 3 girls that I cannot bear to throw away. E makes such fun of me but I hold my ground:)
Thanks for visiting my blog! I have the same sleep issue with my daughter. It's nearly impossible to keep them out of your bed once they are out of a crib and can freely roam into your bed. Love the picture of your AC vent!!
I should really re-visit Floortime for my daughter...we did it when we lived in California, but after we moved to Chicago had a hard time finding a good practioner.
We use a weighted blanket with Charlotte from time to time and it is very nice. There are nights when she seems out of sorts and I will mention it and she will always want it. Sometimes she asks for it herself. She used to use it a lot more, has kind of faded now.
I'm sure R will transition out of your bed eventually. It may take awhile, but that's OK.
We love Park City!
And R's self portrait :)
And now I am hungry for DH's BBQ and a perfect Margarita...
weighted blanket helped sooo much when Ru was having frequent night wakings. I'm a firm believer in co-sleeping and love your attitude with letting him come into your bed when he needs to. Honestly I love your attitude about everything with R. I'm so glad I found your blog <3
good reading your post K. (as always)
I read a quote the other day that made me think about you.
"A wise man gets more from his enemy's, than a fool does from his friends."
You must be very wise K because you always seem to be getting the best out of your situations...
God bless you and yours.
R has amazing parents for an amazing child.
Full of love and opportunity that's how I see it. You are all so blessed and work so well together as a family unit.
Hugs,
Lisa
I love your attitude about the co-sleeping. This is hard for many children, not just children with autism and honestly, the bigger deal you make of it, the harder it all is!! Falling asleep in his own bed is a huge step! And a step in the right direction! My oldest (ADHD, but no ASD) was very hard to get to sleep on his own - partly b/c of ADHD I think. However, now at 12, believe me, he does not want to sleep in our bed!!!! (Stopped coming in around age 7). All in good time....
Your BBQ looked delicious!!
My heart is so full of a happy feeling at the end of your post!
Thank you, K.
"I can see other neurons firing" This makes me so happy - a mother talking in terms of the brain!
His self-portrait is good evidence of his development!
What a temptation the margaritas are! I've stayed away from them - with aging the effects have been more negative than positive although I love the taste.
Barbara
Can you tell me more about FloorTime and how it works? We are going to start NeuroNet in the next to weeks and are still comsidering Brain Balance - www.brainbalancecenters.com . We're going to see a developmental optometrist and probably an audiologist. We are also doing OT. What are we missing, lol??
Sorry for any negativity you are encountering. I cannot imagine being judgemental when viewing your family and the delight you take in R. I think all of us wish for a childhood with such love!
As for "training him all these years"? You've "trained him" to feel safe with you. You've created a loving environment where he is a vital member. He has a sense of humor, a personality, an important part to play everyday.
(I am deaf and Mr. Daddy travels frequently... it was by choice to let him sleep in his bed in our room for safety as I cannot hear him across the house. So I am empathetic!)
I am just cracking up at the Jingle Bells "hey"! And the self-portrat... tell me that will be framed! I adore it!
So very glad for such an exciting post!
This is so lovely - I love the way you so easily float in your writing - it's very graceful and zenlike and I wonder if that's what you're like in person.
I love co-sleeping. Huge fan of attachment as much as possible with my child. It is definitely not behavioral, but just what my child needs. Period. (And p.s. purely cultural as Japanese kids do just fine with co-sleeping).
Weighted blanket: we did try it with Jack and it didn't help him. But he likes deep pressure on either side of him (always has) rather than on top of him. Doesn't hurt to try though. (look on ebay for deals)
We share a love of Floortime and Dr. Greenspan's work. ((Thank you)) for sharing with us.
I am loving his pretend play, way to go R!
And his drawings are adorable, especially the self-portrait :).
R is doing so well!!! Thank you for this post...I know deep down that Daniel needs to be allowed to learn the way HE learns and to not let myself feel pressured or have guilt because of other people's expectations or what I think their expectations are. Thank you for always bringing me back!!
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