Childhood expressions: Blog Carnival

R has always been one of those children who loves phyical touch

I suspect there is a sensory basis to this

I think he could not feel his own skin unless it is touching someone else (imagine the insecurity this could cause-this deficiency of proprioceptive sense- like being  suspended in space )

It may have served a fundamental sensory basis with a need for security as an infant

But even as this has resolved somewhat  - he loves touch

R is still at the stage where the spotlight of his love shines in a small  tight circle -and I am the lucky one right in the middle of that circle

With his love for mom and love of touch it was no surprise that one of his first phrases was

  "Shee Ma" ( Sleep with Mother - that I should do bedtime)

He would bargain for it from an early stage

Never more content, than on the crook of my shoulder drifting off to sleep.

As he turns into a master manipulator at the age of 5 - he has suddenly started using an offer of his bedtime ritual  as a reward

His doting gran and aunt are here and when they do something that pleases him ( like give him the remote control of the big TV ) he offers majestically

"Sheep with Dadi" ( sleep with granma ) 

( He never follows through with this promise though, ending the day with wails of "Shee with mother "" Shee with mother" - worried that he will be held to his promise made earlier in the day )

On  our side , we use this phrase as a threat

"Eat your dinner or NO Sheep with Mother "  I threaten( as he pretends to gags on the veggies -  it works like a charm )

We use the phrase to make conversation

Instead of  the question

"Do you love your father more or mother?"

we ask

"Do you want to Shee with Mother or Shee with Father "

As R adds to his vocabulary, I am noticing that we too, use the phrases he does - complete with his curious Apraxic lilt

Words that  are now becoming a part of the story of the three of us

So phrases like

"Get off "( to remove anything )
"I/knee/eye/hair hurt"( to express discomfort with any part -physical or emotional)
Jup( jump )
Byce( Ride a bike )
The odd "First " Then " way of speaking ( "First we play with the doll, then we can play on the computer ")
The ubiquitous "All done"

And so on

But as the process of raising this child is irrevocably transforming us - I find that for the first time - I think about the purpose of language in a deeper way

Though it seems obvious that the purpose of language is to communicate our thoughts and feelings - I notice how we - the vast population of  the neurotypical  - use words  not to express but to influence a desired outcome

These days, I find, I have little patience with the word games

I slowly find that I am stopping using my words to manipulate others  or to protect myself ( what is sarcasm - if not a shield or a weapon in human interaction- interactions  which can sometimes resemble a battleground? )

I try to say what I really mean ( while still being kind )

How freeing it is!

Indeed I dont miss the irony that my child of few words has taught me how to really  talk

So if for instance, I  am upset with DH , instead of using all the weapons that words give us - withholding words ( the dreadful silent treatment)  or wounding with  sarcasm or sharpness or dredging up past hurts - all the ways in which we grown ups learn to use words as weapons and shields

I simply use the words that R has taught me

I say "I hurt"

PS this post has been written for my friend Barbara's blog carnival  here. She will publish her carnival on Childhood expressions on April 25th