Being Loved

We are continuing with our battles over screen time.

Last night R is throwing a weepy tantrum at not getting the remote.

I lose my temper and tell him in a loud voice that I am disappointed with him

I sensibly know that I am at the limit of my patience and go off to finish the movie "Secret Life of bees" with DH.

The movie is all about a young girls desperate desire to connect with her dead mother and feel loved.

"There is a big hole in my heart where my mother's love should have been " the protagonist says

It occurs to me that a large part of the literature is devoted to the mother's love.

Never to what the child gives to the parent

Perhaps its because the books are written by the adults

In this story, ironically, its the love hungry child that seems full of love.

Last year when I was looking for an Autism sticker, I found there is such a huge preponderance of stickers that say simply "Autism awareness" and many that say " I love someone with Autism".

It seems especially the literature of Autism is focussed on the mother's great devotion and love.

Always from the mother's side it seems that there is the love, the devotion, the desperate search for help for her child.

And from the child's side, there are merely the special neeeds

The autistic child's role only to receive , never to give

Surely a mother's love is a wondrous thing

But what about the child's love?

Last evening after our tantrum, R plays by himself for a while.

When I go back upstairs up and apologise for yelling, R holds my face in his hands kisses me and says simply "Shee Ma " ( sleep with Mama)

Here is all he wants from his bad tempered mother:

that I should be the one to put him to bed

I have never been loved quite this deeply and unconditionally before.

Been the center of someone's world quite like this.

Pure love with no grudges ever.

Here is a picture of me and R from 4 years ago before I knew about all the things that would happen to us



I wish I could tell the younger K

Its not going to be what you think

It will be hard

But it will also be gorgeous.

While this statement is a truth "I love someone with Autism"

The charming corollary that has blessed my life , is that

Someone with Autism loves me

Here is to the special love we get from our special kids