beyond the window of opportunity

"He is 4 years and five months old"-

I find myself saying if anyone asks me how old R is

While parents of Neurotypical children will say their kids are 3 or 4 or 5
us Autie moms are more exact - much more exact

and will often say he is 3 years and 2 months old or she is 26months old

Its something odd that I have noticed about us moms of Auties

I think I know the reason

Its the monster myth of the window of opportunity

You see - us Autie moms are told that there is a window of opportunity.

As though our young kiddos brains are malformed lumps of playdough-

which with just the right kind and large doses of therapy we will turn into the normal brain

Which is why in the early months of diagnosis you will hear things like -
I researched madly
I stopped sleeping

I read every book

I tried the diet

I went on all the message boards

I am so confused .. if only I had a crystal ball and knew what the right thing to do

I am trying to see if I can quit my job

I am trying to see how to get 8 sessions within a day

Frantically we seek the right answer

In a race against time

Because though the right treatment is so critical , even while we are researching the playdoh is hardening
The irony used to strike me often as I used to trade off between reading "Let me hear your voice" and doing Floortime

In addition we are also protecting ourselves from the shock of the next year

We cannot bear going from one year to another in one day

We must brace ourselves each month - 3 years and 3 month and so on

Early Intervention is certainly critical

But a dangerous corollary of this window of opportunity theory is that it implies that once our child is 5 or older - progress will slow down tremendously

So when we are saying our child is 39 months old, we are also saying - only 21 months left

Once they are 6 we no longer worry about being exact

With relief and despair we can say - he is 6, he is 7 he is 8

Because the deadline is past

And our child still is not doing that thing they were supposed to have done by now

After 2 years in Autism land I can certainly say that the first year when R was supposed to have been the most playdoh-like he made minimal progress

If we had continued at that rate we would have been in poor shape

I also hear from my good friends with older kids how everything fell into place at 11 at 17 at 21



The window of opportunity while energizing at one end is terribly toxic on the other

I am doing my bit to combat this

When anyone asks how old R is

I shall simple say

R is 4